The time my head almost exploded
From trying to buy a birthday present whilst adhering to all the unsaid "rules"
My 4 year old had a birthday party to go to on the weekend, so last week I took her to Kmart to get a birthday present. Should be a simple enough task. Unless you live in 2023 like I do where parents are incredibly informed on every aspect of their kids development. I mean hey, I should know, I am after all a parent coach who reads parenting books for pure enjoyment… it’s a total addiction actually. So I get it. We all care about our kids and want them to have the best upbringing possible. Sounds legit.
So we were in Kmart browsing the toy aisles, and every time my kiddo chose a toy for her friend I would have an inner dialogue critiquing her choice - that one’s made of plastic, what if her Mum doesn’t like plastic toys? - that one is pink and girly, her Mum might think we’re being too stereotypical - that one makes sounds, and her Mum might be against toys with batteries - that one’s got lots of pieces and her Mum might be a minimalist - and on and on and on it went. It was enough to make me hyperventilate. And that’s when I truly realised how a little bit ridiculous it all is. We should be able to go into a shop, see a toy that we think a kid would like, buy it, and walk out. Done. But no.
With all our incessant learning about what’s “best” - for our kids, for the environment, for our cluttered minds and homes - we seem to have lost touch with the true reason for birthday parties. Which, if you’re unaware, is to celebrate the KID and have… wait for it… FUN! Yet here I was sucking alllllll the joy out. None of the things I was thinking of, were about the kid at all. They were all about the parents and what THEY would want. And come to think of it, I am 100% guilty of asking my friends what they would like me to get their kids for their birthdays, instead of asking the kid what THEY would like. When did this happen? Has it always been this way? I don’t remember my parents ever worrying too much about what the other parents wanted their kids to have, but maybe that’s just because I was a kid and was totally oblivious.
Now I know being a fence sitter doesn’t make for much fun either, but I guess I’m just a super un-fun kinda gal. I can see that Mums (and Dads, and all other caregivers) are just wanting the best for their kids. They are looking out for the environment by not wanting cheap plastic toys. They are wanting to break boy/girl stereotypes and allow their kids to play with ALL sorts of toys, regardless of colour or theme. And the list could go on. I get it. I have been there, guilty as charged!
But I’m here to say, that maybe for the kids birthday, we could do something totally crazy, and start making it about the kids again. Just for 1 day each year, let them get a whole bunch of random toys as selected by other kids, because, that shit was so fucking exciting as a kid. One day a year, or maybe even every few years, a whole heap of kids came over for a massive play with games and balloons and delicious food, and then at the end after everyone had gone home exhausted, you were left with a modest mountain of toys to explore… polly pockets and barbies and sea monkeys, oh my! Birthdays were the absolute best.
So, while I do understand the many reasons behind wanting to control what comes into your kids world, I don’t love how parent-centric the birthdays have become. Perhaps we could let go of our fears about consumerism, the environment and education etc for just one day. There’s a whole other 364 days in a year for that. I would love it if we could just go to a shop and let our kids pick out whatever they want from the budget we have, without the fear of mortally offending a parent. To know that our kids can give gifts for the best reason possible - to give another kid a small slice of joy on their day of days. Nothing more, and nothing less. What do you think?