The time I forgot to give a shit

A post about how much I hate food glorification

So I think I’ve decided what I’d like the bulk of my Substack to be about. I am a parent coach, and the thing I’ve learned most from this role, is just how much guilt, stress and shame parents feels on a daily basis. Most likely, the term parent coach alone makes peoples cortisol levels rise. I kinda dislike the term, but don’t know of a better one, so feel free to help me out there. Rest assured however, that for me, parent coaching is not about me telling you about all the things you’re doing “wrong”. It’s about me providing support for parents, to uplift them and give them confidence. And most of all, I want to ease the pressures that they feel so they can stress less, and relax more. So with that formality aside, I’ll get on with it.

If you read my first sub, you’ll know that we went to Sydney for the weekend to say goodbye to my brother and his family. Given we hadn’t seen them in 6 years, it was a pretty emotional weekend having to say goodbye again and wondering how long it will be this time. Especially for my parents. I won’t go into details, but there was some added illness emotions mixed in as well making it all particularly shitty.

Now don’t be fooled by the title. I’m not a total heartless bitch and forgot to give a shit about saying goodbye. Gave a shit I did! What I did forget to give a shit about, was my kids’ “diet”…. shock horror! In the world of parenting nowadays, so many parents are becoming completely obsessed with diet and wellness culture that you’re pretty much labelled a “bad” or “lazy” parent who is neglecting your children if you don’t feed your kids fruits/veg and whole foods at every meal, cutting out every morsel of processed food. And I HATE it. For all the hate that I have for it though, I truly do get it. I totally used to be sucked into all the doomsday information floating around out there that scares you into thinking you’re killing your kids if you let them eat something slightly processed. I understand that people just want the best for their kids.

But here’s some things I hate about the glorification of the “clean eating” wellness movement. I mean first off, it’s kind of classist given that not everybody could afford fresh organic produce, or even have access to it, let alone have the time or resources to source/order/collect/prepare it all. And second of all, a strict clean eating regime does not promote health in the form of a good relationship with food. I’ve even followed promoters of these diets who say they don’t care if their kids develop eating disorders if it means they are healthy (quickly unfollowed). And by healthy, I can only assume they mean free of illnesses such as diabetes, because an eating disorder is in no way, shape or form, healthy. And the final thing I hate about it, possibly most of all, is just how much guilt, fear, stress, and even shame that it can place on a parent. And I want all parents to know that they are still fucking awesome kick-ass humans without an insta-worthy bento box in sight.

Now that I’ve gotten myself all worked up, it’s time to move on. So, even though I hold an honours degree in Nutrition & Dietetics, here’s what my kids ate on the weekend:

• An apple and a carrot, because that was pretty much all we had left in the house when we left.

• hot chips

• milkshakes

• banana bread

• chocolate bliss balls

• ice cream

• more banana bread

• cake

• potato chips

Yep, that’s it folks. Judge me if you want to, that’s your prerogative. Do I think this kind of diet every day would promote health? Of course I don’t, I’m not a complete dick head. But seriously, the stress of trying to find “whole foods” or make and take them with me, plus the stress of trying to make my kids eat them, during an already stressfull and emotional time, would have FAR outweighed the harm done by eating like this for a day or two. My decision for these 2 days, was to not give a crap about ensuring balanced meals, and rather focus on being present with my family, having a fun time and making the whole trip as easeful and relaxed as possible. So that’s what I did.

They said they wanted chips and milkshake for dinner because that’s what was in front of them at the airport (and it’s yummy), that’s what they got. They wanted ice cream for lunch because the ice cream fridge was right there at the counter of the cafe, no worries, go right ahead. “You can say no to your kids you know, you are the parent” I hear you all say. Yeah, no shit Sherlock. I can and DO say no to my kids pretty often. But this time, I just made a conscious decision not to.

Why am I telling you this? Well, I want all parents to know that you can feed your kids in a way that feels easy to you, and that does NOT make you a less worthy parent. Your worth as a person and as a parent should in no way be tied to how “clean” your kids eat at every meal, or by whether or not you can afford organic food (we certainly can’t). I encourage and urge you to TRY to reject the judgemental culture of parenting and choose to opt for the easy options when YOU need to. I knew that I really needed to do that for myself this past weekend. And you know what? We actually ended up having a pretty nice, fun, relaxed weekend, all things considered. And you know what else? My kids have eaten fruit and veggies since we returned, and that does not make me any better of a parent now than I what I was on the weekend.

As they say, “fed is best”. And fed stress-free is even better IMO.